it made me feel new for a while

New experience

Felt so happy

Like the books say - makes you feel like a child

today I woke up

Today before opening the curtain I knew you were there and slowly I layed my eyes on you

So fresh ,clean quiet, peaceful

Like you did nothing wrong

Like you were there doing nothing

Just lying

Just there

Very still

So cold

Yet

So warming

Inside my heart I feel invaded

I wonder when you'll fade away

I wonder when you'll die

back to what wer' use to here

so normal

On that day will wake up like everyday

And that one day you won't be there

Sadness and emptiness fills my heart already by just pretending

But I know now how its like

The feelings and emotions someone gets when you fall down on us

what I felt

We all want to touch you feel you

And so I like to believe so

Iven if its just for a moment

we notice you,

A clear soft wonderland fantasy

After 23 years I experience you and ah

Every organ smile with pure, ity

pure inner joy

No cruelty, no troubles, no struggles, no nothing

pure stillness and elegance

also invasive

November 27th I got my inner child out in full strength

So funn so great

Reminded me how much is out there to be seen and experienced for the first time

made me want to show a big group of kids from the desert the ocean for the first time in their lifes

Made me want to show a big group of kids from a tropical island fluffy snow fall for the first time in their lifes

New beautiful things bring the best of me

Nature is number one in what comes to impact and shake things up

good or bad

my number one

Tragic

So beautiful

For tonight I had Grants.
Before heading on to the beach I went to the bar. I wanted to bring a drink with me.

No Jack Daniels ( so glad ).
Grants again? Ah! Jameson is right there...

Irish whiskey...
- I have to have it, just to feel it - I thought.
Who I am trying to fool?

No one but myself.
It's all about me.



Where is that hard wall?

Por agora a leveza desta camisa de noite
de seda,

Doi

Mas soube bem.

This heat fills me up
For I am happy.

Wrote this before, feel it again

What if? What if in one day you ran for miles in a small girth, where information was duplicated and molecules had a soul? You believed for once, for once you believed that the information was turned upside down in order to clarify. You cried becoming stone as I cried all alone. I felt like a victim, pitifully misunderstood. Then I walked towards me since I was alone in a night full of all wickedness’s, where screams in me said: When someone sets all the flaws that men condemned, the individual cannot overthrow himself. And I once more failed in thesis, failed in being silent, failed in conquering the resolution. For I am sorry. So sorry.

That sweet instrumental talent of yours
Those sweet gestures of mine
That sweet smile of yours

Those sweet future events

"Hum...we are mapping future events"

The silence made me
Despised
Disloved

Hum those sweet sweet lies of yours

Broken.

My dreams?
Stronger.

Just Don't

Don't want to see
Don't want to hear
Don't want to know
Don't want to believe
Don't want
Don't.

Once upon a time a sweetheart who,

Don't want to say
Don't want to talk
Don't want to
Want

Don't.

Dior Mood

I went in and walked around. I tryed on various brands such as Estée Lauder, Lamcôme, Chanel and Benefit. Dior was my last attempt to find the one. I asked the lady to try on the classic Red lipstick. She was around me for 15 minutes trying on different effects with the reds. I ended up purchasing the the Red lipgloss.
Later on still burning, I went in another shop and got a Red lip liner, Red lipstick and mascara.
Now I had it all.
Soon the feeling of fullfiment was smashed with regret.

The night before I took my friend out to dinner. On the way home a man asked for 1 euro to buy food, I said no and kept walking but then I stoped ran back to him and offered him a slice of pizza, he smiled and accepted. I gave him the largest one, he thanked me.

Today I'm feeling down. It's raining - how cliche!
During the night you huged me, both took your shoes off and felt the sea.
It's not up to me to miss you or need you.

Push me against the wall for fuck sake.
If not, I'll eventually stop missing and needing you. Easy to say?

Try me.

Poderia ler quatro livros por semana,

Poderia ir ao cinema três vezes por semana

Poderia ir ao teatro três vezes por semana

Poderia comprar somente vegetais organicos

Poderia ir correr demanhã três ou quatro vezes por semana

Poderia deixar de roer e arrancar pele dos meus dedos

Poderia ter uma boa noite de sono

Poderia beber mais água durante o dia

Poderia conheçer mais pessoas

Poderia ser mais tolerante com os turistas nas ruas

Poderia pintar

Poderia dar uma ou duas moedas a algum vagabundo nos meus passeios



- Do you have some change?

Sorriu com timidez e de boca fechada digo que não sabendo que tenho

- What a lovely smile you have

Olho para trás e sorrio ainda mais e digo obrigada dentro da minha cabeça

Sem nunca parar de andar pessoas olham para mim porque tenho um sorriso enorme e o sol bate forte, a imagem deve ser óbvia e diferente.

Não quero saber.



Poderia andar com roupas leves

Poderia andar de bicicleta

Poderia sair de casa andar pelas ruas e não ver um vómito na rua ou um bêbado perdido

Poderia comer menos chocolate

Poderia deixar de sentir friu

Poderia ir dançar com frequência

Poderia ter internet em casa

Poderia ir ao National Concert Hall e assitir a um concerto

Poderia deixar de me irritar com pessoas asiáticas

Poderia ir viajar por este país fora

Poderia ter mais dinheiro

Poderia ser abraçada todos os dias

Poderia passar um dia fora da cidade

Poderia dizer que tenho a certeza de alguma coisa

Poderia ir jantar fora uma vez por semana

Poderia ser mais criativa

Poderia saber andar de carro

Poderia ir escalar uma montanha

Poderia comprar roupa todas as semanas

Poderia escrever todos os dias

Poderia morrer quando quiser

Poderia ser mais

Poderia ser menos

Poderia muita coisa

Depende

Posso e não posso

Sei que sempre poderei.

I was told to go and find someone who can love me
Should I go?
How does that work ?

Painful.

You don't, but I do.
It's you.

It hurts.

But someone will know how to love me, right?
You can't anymore, isn't that so?
Then I remind you not to forget how to love, please don't forget .

Beautiful creature I met and loved...

Goodbye?

I want you to want me
I need you to need me



Sounds so cliché

But I so want it.

I miss you

I need you



During the day? It's been wonderful but by the end of the day, at night you're the one I think about.


Wishing you to think of me.

Bit depressed? Try eating 9 after eight chocolates. I just did now. Non stop.
Tomorrow I'll be all shiny and I'll be drinking green tea and lots of water.

I'm trying to help myself

Isto do novo ano é treta.

Todos os dias são novos e isso é suficiente

Nós Seres Humanos somos tão queridos, tão estúpidos
It's not this night/day that is gonna define your future events

Bullshit all.


I love you

I love myself



I fell so horny for 2010 ?