For tonight I had Grants.
Before heading on to the beach I went to the bar. I wanted to bring a drink with me.

No Jack Daniels ( so glad ).
Grants again? Ah! Jameson is right there...

Irish whiskey...
- I have to have it, just to feel it - I thought.
Who I am trying to fool?

No one but myself.
It's all about me.



Where is that hard wall?

Por agora a leveza desta camisa de noite
de seda,

Doi

Mas soube bem.

This heat fills me up
For I am happy.

Wrote this before, feel it again

What if? What if in one day you ran for miles in a small girth, where information was duplicated and molecules had a soul? You believed for once, for once you believed that the information was turned upside down in order to clarify. You cried becoming stone as I cried all alone. I felt like a victim, pitifully misunderstood. Then I walked towards me since I was alone in a night full of all wickedness’s, where screams in me said: When someone sets all the flaws that men condemned, the individual cannot overthrow himself. And I once more failed in thesis, failed in being silent, failed in conquering the resolution. For I am sorry. So sorry.

That sweet instrumental talent of yours
Those sweet gestures of mine
That sweet smile of yours

Those sweet future events

"Hum...we are mapping future events"

The silence made me
Despised
Disloved

Hum those sweet sweet lies of yours

Broken.

My dreams?
Stronger.

Just Don't

Don't want to see
Don't want to hear
Don't want to know
Don't want to believe
Don't want
Don't.

Once upon a time a sweetheart who,

Don't want to say
Don't want to talk
Don't want to
Want

Don't.

Dior Mood

I went in and walked around. I tryed on various brands such as Estée Lauder, Lamcôme, Chanel and Benefit. Dior was my last attempt to find the one. I asked the lady to try on the classic Red lipstick. She was around me for 15 minutes trying on different effects with the reds. I ended up purchasing the the Red lipgloss.
Later on still burning, I went in another shop and got a Red lip liner, Red lipstick and mascara.
Now I had it all.
Soon the feeling of fullfiment was smashed with regret.

The night before I took my friend out to dinner. On the way home a man asked for 1 euro to buy food, I said no and kept walking but then I stoped ran back to him and offered him a slice of pizza, he smiled and accepted. I gave him the largest one, he thanked me.

Today I'm feeling down. It's raining - how cliche!
During the night you huged me, both took your shoes off and felt the sea.
It's not up to me to miss you or need you.

Push me against the wall for fuck sake.
If not, I'll eventually stop missing and needing you. Easy to say?

Try me.

Poderia ler quatro livros por semana,

Poderia ir ao cinema três vezes por semana

Poderia ir ao teatro três vezes por semana

Poderia comprar somente vegetais organicos

Poderia ir correr demanhã três ou quatro vezes por semana

Poderia deixar de roer e arrancar pele dos meus dedos

Poderia ter uma boa noite de sono

Poderia beber mais água durante o dia

Poderia conheçer mais pessoas

Poderia ser mais tolerante com os turistas nas ruas

Poderia pintar

Poderia dar uma ou duas moedas a algum vagabundo nos meus passeios



- Do you have some change?

Sorriu com timidez e de boca fechada digo que não sabendo que tenho

- What a lovely smile you have

Olho para trás e sorrio ainda mais e digo obrigada dentro da minha cabeça

Sem nunca parar de andar pessoas olham para mim porque tenho um sorriso enorme e o sol bate forte, a imagem deve ser óbvia e diferente.

Não quero saber.



Poderia andar com roupas leves

Poderia andar de bicicleta

Poderia sair de casa andar pelas ruas e não ver um vómito na rua ou um bêbado perdido

Poderia comer menos chocolate

Poderia deixar de sentir friu

Poderia ir dançar com frequência

Poderia ter internet em casa

Poderia ir ao National Concert Hall e assitir a um concerto

Poderia deixar de me irritar com pessoas asiáticas

Poderia ir viajar por este país fora

Poderia ter mais dinheiro

Poderia ser abraçada todos os dias

Poderia passar um dia fora da cidade

Poderia dizer que tenho a certeza de alguma coisa

Poderia ir jantar fora uma vez por semana

Poderia ser mais criativa

Poderia saber andar de carro

Poderia ir escalar uma montanha

Poderia comprar roupa todas as semanas

Poderia escrever todos os dias

Poderia morrer quando quiser

Poderia ser mais

Poderia ser menos

Poderia muita coisa

Depende

Posso e não posso

Sei que sempre poderei.